Tag Archive: life

Ant Attack

Ant horde

Ant horde by Jonathan Fox used under https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc/2.0/

I think the apartment I currently live in was built on an ant colony. We have them all year, but they’re the worst in the summer. Mostly they come in looking for water, but sometimes they find the cat food. And in very horribly moments they find the crickets (I am so very, very sorry, crickets).

See, I have a small mammal that adores eating crickets. I don’t always keep them on hand because she doesn’t eat them as fast as I would like, which means I have to then add crickets to the creatures that I have to keep alive. And they are tricky, sometimes. Plus, they are insects, so their life spans don’t always wait her appetite out.

My relationship with the crickets is complicated. I feel bad when they die in the cage they stay in until it’s time to put them in her cage to be eaten. Sometimes I think this is a silly sentiment, because I don’t feel bad when they get eaten. Perhaps this is because I have made their fate food, and when they die stuck in a tiny, plastic cage, their lives lose some of their meaning. And then part of me remembers that they are, in fact, crickets. But they are still living creatures, and I feel bad that I have cause their lives to be less than their wild existence would allow. When they are attacked in the tiny, plastic cage I’ve trapped them in by a horde of ants, I am horrified. As soon as I see their tragic turn, they get released in a effort to provide some space to live – because being eaten alive by an ant horde seems ghastly to endure.

And I am sure people will think that this response is unmerited for creatures that are generally despised. It is my philosophy that a person’s true nature is revealed in how they treat beings that are completely helpless. I buy the crickets for my small mammal to eat, because I have taken her from her natural habitat and shrunk her space to a 40 gallon fish tank. She seems happier when she has something to chase to eat (since most of the time she just has a bowl of food). But in doing so, I take on creatures even more vulnerable that I feel obligated to ensure only suffer when they serve as food.

At a time when so much is not good* in the world, remembering to care for the most vulnerable creatures that surround us seems to be the fastest pathway to making the world good again.


*A post about how I use the word good is forthcoming, because I see it carrying so much more weight than its typical use indicates.



Stradbroke Island

I have too many thoughts in my head currently…

Story ideas, fears, hopes, concerns, thoughts about education, questions about….
It’s all crashing around in my head like waves in a storm meeting rocks.

I just hope that they all resolve and reveal a shoreline that ultimately makes sense in the end.

Hey, March!

So, February blinked past, which seems especially awkward this year considering the extra day and all. I’m not sure what kept everyone else busy, but February 2012, was a packed month.

I got assigned to assist on developing my work’s new website. And then I got promoted to full-time in the Higher Education Services Department. I took a break with the Gallifrey Twenty-three, this year’s incarnation of the annual Los Angeles Doctor Who con. And in the midst of everything finished applying to Ph.D. programs.

But my life has calmed down now. The website went live, and I have some time to think again.

It will pick up again, I’m sure, especially when I start traveling for work, but, for now, I’m enjoying the time to myself and the space to write more.

When the world crumbles

I’m sitting in my car waiting for the time when I can meet my mom for lunch, and I’m listening to Amanda Palmer Goes Down Under and wondering what is going on with the world.

This morning started by reading NPR‘s Andy Carvin’s live tweeting of Qahdafi’s speech to Libya. He seems to have lost contact with the world the rest of us live in. Which would almost be laughable if he didn’t also control the means to begin the “cleansing” he threatened.

And then I read through Amanda Palmer’s blog about New Zealand. Which is about the same time I realized my heart was breaking for the rest of the world.

Because the world appears to be in the midst of another of those moments that have marked my interaction with the Earth – it’s tumultuous.

Perhaps you’re from a generation that managed to not have major uprisings or world breaking moments. I wonder what this looks like through you eyes. Is it more terrifying? Are you hoping it will all stop? Or are you more peaceful about it? Because for me, everything that’s happening in the Middle East and New Zealand falls in stride with the way of the world.

Growing up with family in friends involved in Desert Storm, watching the Berlin Wall tumble down at the hands of the people, seeing the revolutions and civil wars of the Balkans, seeing the horror of a home-grown extremist attack people who never harmed him, and then beginning college amongst the ashes of a terrified country makes for a perspective that sees how appalling the world can be.

But this kind of experience also places turmoil in a broader perspective. One that demonstrates the impermanence of each moment.

Because this too shall pass.

Which is no guarantee that the next moment will be better, but this moment will not last forever.

And so I will embrace this moment’s sorrow and joy and do what I can to help those in need. And when I feel like the next moment will never end, I’ll look back here and remember.

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