Category: life

This is a fair warning post.

I’ve written a number of posts that are very self-reflective that I’ve never published. They’ve been coalescing in my drafts folder until such a time as I was ready for other people to read them.

Now is that time. For some of them.

Keep in mind you don’t have to read any of the posts. If you think you’ll think of me poorly, or like a real person with flaws, or you just don’t care, or some other take altogether, that’s cool. Don’t read them. I certainly won’t be grading you, and you’ll still be welcome to whichever posts you want to read and comment on.

Please do share your thoughts, questions, anecdotes on posts with comments! Sometimes the idea has to be shared in order to make room for new ideas. And if any of my posts do that for you, feel free to use the comment section!

(Though I will remove all names connected to me from comments, and will remove comments that are simply attacking or belittling me or anyone else along the way. This is my space, and I expect this to be a space of respect (which doesn’t mean agreement).)

Days like these

It’s funny Snuggle with Ribbonhow most days are just days. They pass with very little of note occurring. And then some days are horribly sad, feeling as if the hope had left the world and the sun will never shine again. And then some days are packed to overflowing with all the joy and happiness of life, and the world can do no wrong.

And then there are days that have sorrow and joy rolled into one, and the day is remarkable.

Today was one of those days.

I had my first event as an admitted PhD student at Chapman University – a mingle with my cohort, current PhD students, professors, and staff. A time of joy an adventure and all the nervousness of a great adventure. A moment of joy as I begin the next moment of my life, being a PhD student.

It was also a day of sorrow. My sister’s cat died today. Snuggles was 18. We’d had her since she was 5 weeks old. We’d had her forever. To put this in perspective, I turn 30 this year. I’ve been crying off and on all day. Snuggles was a great cat. (Not as great as her sister, who was my cat Midnight. She died 3 years ago at 15.) I will miss Snuggles terribly, but not as much as my sister who looked at her and treated her like her baby. I know that heart-break, and it’s hard to explain if you’ve never felt like your animal was part of your family. But trust me when I say it hurts as much as having a friend die.

Days like this, that can’t decide which emotion to pick and stick with it, are some of the more difficult to deal with because people who only know 1 side don’t understand why you aren’t fully with them; they don’t realize you’re torn.

But I made it through. I’m sure I seemed kind of aloof to the other members of my cohort and some of the faculty, so I’ll have so work to do when I begin classes. Now is the time to be sad.

Tomorrow is another day, and hopefully this one will be easier.


“Spider attack! There are more crawling around lying in wait for you to close your eyes and drift off to sleep so that you are easier to subdue.”
This is my brain’s current screeching. Because I found this waiting for my on my drying rack next to my finally dry socks.

And HOLY-FREAKING-CRAP! it was fuzzy, and the jaw-things fluoresced that yellow color under the camera flash, and it released venom in that container right after this picture was taken!

I have no idea what kind of spider this was. I’ve never seen it in Southern California. Ever. And I used to live on the edge of the desert and am very familiar with wind scorpions, black widows, and even brown widows (now that they’ve moved to the area).

Perhaps this was a baby Shelob, and I missed my opportunity to journey into Mordor and save the world.

But for once I don’t care if I missed my opportunity. Because seriously, this is one creepy spider, and I am terrified of spiders. (Don’t even try to convince me that this fear is stupid. I know it’s irrational. Just accept that I am afraid of their disconcerting movements and giant pincer-things and their disproportional ability to potentially kill me.) And I stayed up writing this out in an effort to possibly sleep at least a little tonight.

If you do, however, happen to know what kind of spider this is, please let me know. It’s free outside away from me, but I would like to know in case it brought along friends.

Jurupa Fire

So this fire is really close to my parents’ house. Like, if the winds shift, their house would be in danger.

This is worrying to say the least. It’s on the local news (which never happens), and the fire’s name carries the area name (seriously, no one but people who live in the community long term know that the northwest area next to the red-marked section is called Jurupa Hills (and yes that golf course is there, but it’s really little and no one remembers its existence until election day)). And I’m 45 minutes away.

This is nerve-wracking, but not the first time a brush fire has happened. (It’s just the first time the news has bothered to cover it.)

I’ll update when the fire is under control. (I’m optimistic that everything will be fine.)

Update: The fire ended up passing their house. It was always within a mile or so, but the winds kept it away, and now that it’s completely contained, I can safely say this ended up being fine. Thanks everyone!

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