Category: life


Ant Attack

Ant horde

Ant horde by Jonathan Fox used under https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc/2.0/

I think the apartment I currently live in was built on an ant colony. We have them all year, but they’re the worst in the summer. Mostly they come in looking for water, but sometimes they find the cat food. And in very horribly moments they find the crickets (I am so very, very sorry, crickets).

See, I have a small mammal that adores eating crickets. I don’t always keep them on hand because she doesn’t eat them as fast as I would like, which means I have to then add crickets to the creatures that I have to keep alive. And they are tricky, sometimes. Plus, they are insects, so their life spans don’t always wait her appetite out.

My relationship with the crickets is complicated. I feel bad when they die in the cage they stay in until it’s time to put them in her cage to be eaten. Sometimes I think this is a silly sentiment, because I don’t feel bad when they get eaten. Perhaps this is because I have made their fate food, and when they die stuck in a tiny, plastic cage, their lives lose some of their meaning. And then part of me remembers that they are, in fact, crickets. But they are still living creatures, and I feel bad that I have cause their lives to be less than their wild existence would allow. When they are attacked in the tiny, plastic cage I’ve trapped them in by a horde of ants, I am horrified. As soon as I see their tragic turn, they get released in a effort to provide some space to live – because being eaten alive by an ant horde seems ghastly to endure.

And I am sure people will think that this response is unmerited for creatures that are generally despised. It is my philosophy that a person’s true nature is revealed in how they treat beings that are completely helpless. I buy the crickets for my small mammal to eat, because I have taken her from her natural habitat and shrunk her space to a 40 gallon fish tank. She seems happier when she has something to chase to eat (since most of the time she just has a bowl of food). But in doing so, I take on creatures even more vulnerable that I feel obligated to ensure only suffer when they serve as food.

At a time when so much is not good* in the world, remembering to care for the most vulnerable creatures that surround us seems to be the fastest pathway to making the world good again.

 

*A post about how I use the word good is forthcoming, because I see it carrying so much more weight than its typical use indicates.

 

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Oh, hello!

The last wall...The thing about the being in a PhD program is that there is a ton of thinking and a ton of writing, and it’s interesting; it just takes over your entire existence. And all the thinking and writing makes it difficult to have a life outside of the realm of school, which I’m finding even includes keeping up here.

Some of the things I’ve been thinking a lot about – comic books, video games, critical pedagogy, the non-monolithic-ness of popular culture, and how much I love the coffee shop that has opened in the neighborhood (though I wish it was open later in the day, because I have a hard time making it there before it closes at 7:30 L ). I’ve also been toying with the idea of re-structuring the layout of the site, because I would like to start sharing the reading responses that I’ve been writing. I think it would be more helpful to think of the writing as having to be more for an audience I don’t know. And then I could potentially get feedback that would be helpful, if I decide to take the plunge to revise the writing for potential article submissions…. But I also want to write silly reviews for all of the movies that I’ve seen, and I’m not sure that academic-type people would be as interested in the silly reviews (though I’m sure some would).

Basically, right now, my head is full of dreams and ideas that might turn into plans at some point in the near future. And I needed a study break from writing the early draft of 1 crazy end of the semester paper, so I decided to stop neglecting the site.

Poetry

image

nor till the poets among us can be
‘literalists of
the imagination’–above
insolence and triviality and can present

for inspection, ‘imaginary gardens with real toads in them’, shall
we have
it.
– excerpt from Poetry by Marianne Moore

I haven’t always loved poetry. It’s confusing and obtuse and frequently leaves me frustrated. But I can’t quit reading it.

Because in the cadence of the words there is truth. Poetry is the fastest way to share the indescribable  elements of reality without music. Those real toads are especially difficult to deal with when their hardens are imaginary.

Which is why I hardly ever share the poetry I write.

Not that I write poems that often. In fact, I can really only write poetry when I’m surprisingly happy. And the poems are never very good. (Which is another reason I hardly evershow the poems I’ve written to anyone)

But, despite all the current madness in my life currently, I’ve been writing poetry. These ones would have to be revised (which I don’t have time for), so they’ll still probably never be read, even if they weren’t so revealing.  I’m just glad to be writing them in all their terrible glory.

Stradbroke Island

I have too many thoughts in my head currently…

Story ideas, fears, hopes, concerns, thoughts about education, questions about….
It’s all crashing around in my head like waves in a storm meeting rocks.

I just hope that they all resolve and reveal a shoreline that ultimately makes sense in the end.

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